A Heart Heavy Reflection

I haven’t written in a while and I decided that I really should, not because I have something more of value than anyone on the internet or even because I think I deserve to be heard more than anyone. Instead I write to pour out my heart, my frustrations, my sorrows, my joy and even my own hurt. I decided from the beginning I wanted to use this as a means of not only teaching but sincere reflections on faith. So it is with a humble heart that I approach whoever may read this.

My heart is heavy tonight and it is not unusual for this has weighed heavily for a long time. You see I am a Christian and I use that term lightly, not with a sense of pride or superiority, but a Christian who has been saved by our selfless God and only by grace. It was by God’s grace that I am where I am today, even as broken as I am. God is the love of my life, I treasure Him more than I treasure my own life. This is something I know to be true even to the very core of my being. But this is not going to be a love letter, at least not on my part. You see I DO proclaim this from my very core, but I am challenged daily with keeping His word. I am attending a University where I am learning theology and it is easy to be comfortable with the lessons, the abstract concepts, and the “proper” ways to conduct church.  There is always something more to do, something to say, something to write about theology but when it comes down to it what really matters is our actions.

Jesus is a beautiful example of what it is to personify unconditional, selfless and sacrificial love. A love that transcends solely emotional ties and goes into complete selflessness, a pure love that blends words with actions. To grant some perspective Jesus being the eternal God, worthy of all praise, comforts, power and worship emptied Himself to become a servant. The God of the universe came to serve us when He deserved to be served. How great is His selflessness! This is the short version of the full theology but nonetheless it is mind blowing. So where am I going with this? Simply put is that I have been reflecting on what it means to be a “Christian” and this can be answered several ways but what I wanted to focus on here is love personified through Christ. How can we become this outwardly focused as Jesus was and consider others over even ourselves? This is the question I wrestle with now, because every part of me wants to reach out to God and this is how we personify love like Jesus did.

I can confess wholeheartedly that I love Christ, I can attend church and even preach sermons. But I have realized that all of those things are only the tiniest portion of what it means to be a Christian let alone a pastor. I am going to be the first to admit that I have not been the best  at personifying love. I have been hypocritical, angry, overly judgmental and impatient. But again by the grace of God my heart is being soften daily. So this is a confession and an encouragement.

I know there isn’t too much that is deep here. I didn’t want to bog everyone down with theology, I just want to have you realize that it is important to ask ourselves the question as believers, how can we better personify love, the same love Jesus shared with the world. If we can learn to personify love imagine what we could do and how much we could improve the lives of everyone we meet. Just something to consider, if everyone that claimed to be a Christian actually lived their lives like Jesus did we could literally with all the numbers cure world hunger, take care of the majority of the sick, and leave a larger lasting impact on this world that would bring even greater glory to the One we claim to serve.  This is not a guilt trip, but some perspective.

So what I am going to do because I fall into the lacking area as well is get my butt in gear and make more of an effort to live my life as Christ did and not just confess it because honestly at the end of the day I can’t say with my whole heart I love our God if i don’t live for Him.